have i.. mastered… mercury retrograde?

i don’t know, i’m thinking i have… i’ma tell you why, but i’m not seeking approval!

i saw a video and after two views i thought to myself (actually i said it aloud), “am i misunderstanding? hold on...”

i was. i was receiving the message to mean something entirely different than the creator intended. see, this is where college pays off. in communication there is always noise. in this scenario, the noise was my life experience… my comprehension of the [dysfunctional] relationships between parents and their children. so, instead of commenting from my lense, i put my glasses down and watched again. it clicked almost instantly!

you want more details on my thought process don’t you? yeah i know you do. i though she was talking about emotional incest (do your research). i thought she was saying “adult children” in regard to those of us who were robbed of our childhoods, emotionally. it became clear that she was speaking as the parent i wish i had felt and seen, not heard… the parent who wants you to ‘stay in a child’s place’ and actually keeps you there. i thought she meant she was finally giving praise and recognition to her children for supporting her, and to that i drafted this response:

‘i’m happy for the realization and i would love to let y’all back in, but all the energy i put into being all that was just said way before i truly had the capacity to give it means i need the time to pour back into myself what you should’ve. gimme about… 3 decades! 😂‘

that could’ve been my bad, but it became my benefit. somehow i am still hurting because of my childhood, and i almost rained on the joy of others who experienced something the little girl inside me needed…. something my other selves crave. this is healing! this is being one to correction and refinement, the very things mercury retrograde offers but does not force use to take or accept.

there is a certain willingness to all this shit, and i am here for it! i am reaping the benefits of mercury retrograde in real time! i chose to take my time, to respond rather react! how invigorating: to catch a “mistake” before you make it… to learn before any damage.